Leading cancer research scientists made an incredible breakthrough in the development of discovering the cure for cancer last night.
Pioneering research has led to the discovery that, on average, the word “cancer” appears 3 times per page of the popular publication. The newspaper contains approximately 40 pages and has an average daily circulation of 2 million copies, meaning that the Daily Mail is the world’s largest single contributer to cancer, with 240,000,000 new cases daily.
Dr. Mark Stephenson of Cancer Research UK said “It is undeniable fact that the Daily Mail is a direct cause of cancer in humans and occasionally more intelligent pets who use the newspaper for bedding.” He then added “By stopping people reading the newspaper, we can reduce the amount of cancer in the world by up to 80%.”
Unfortunately, a cure for naturally-occurring cancer is yet to be found.
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